How often do we stand outside a new experience looking in? We may imagine what it would be like to be IN the experience. Perhaps fears and questions crowd our mind: What if I take this step to acknowledge I have a problem with alcohol? Or with food? Or with relationships? If I say the words, will I be required to take action? Will I have to be responsible for myself and how will that impact my life?
We can want a map that will tell us what will happen if we choose A or if we choose B? Will we be allowed to go back to our old state or will we be forced to move forward? Change is the willingness to enter a new place. We open a new gate and we walk through it, most of the time unsure of what it will mean for us and for those we love.
When I started recovery, I heard “at first you will be driven by pain to continue on your path,” but later “you will be invited by the positive things that are happening to you.” For me, that was true. I was in the worst pain of my life when I started recovery. The only thing I was sure of was that I could not stay there. I had to work harder than I had ever worked in my life to change. Early recovery was all consuming and it was months before I began to understand what was happening to me. I wanted to give up many times, but was motivated to continue because I didn’t want to be stuck in the pain I felt.
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I encourage you to explore yourself, to begin to understand who you are and why you are. I encourage you to love the person you are. And to have compassion for all you have lived through and for all those gates you opened, even when you couldn’t see what was on the other side.
Go forward with courage and hope,
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