I love autumn in Seattle. The bare mountain ranges that surround us on two sides get their first dustings of snow and they sit magnificently against a very blue sky (remember the song?). Our trees in preparation for shedding leaves, produce a brilliant spectrum of oranges, yellows, greens, and reds. The air smells, well, like autumn.
I remember years ago, a friend who had been in recovery longer than I had (hi Phyllis), told me how trees were one of the first things she noticed in her recovery. She had never paid much attention to them before, they were just trees. Phyllis said that after she had been in recovery a few months, she started noticing trees: how different they are, how tall, how short, the selection of leaves and shapes they have. She was impressed with the wonder of trees! Her sharing has kept me seeing them with new eyes since then.
When we are in active addiction, little catches our interest except making sure we have our supply of drugs. It is interesting to observe people unfolding as they become illicit drug abstinent and begin to open their eyes to other dimensions in the world. People often say “It used to take me so much to feel anything, now everything brings a feeling.” When we have numbed ourselves, we cannot feel our pain but neither can we feel our joy. Recovery invites us to feel our feelings and to seek supportive, safe people who can accompany us on what can initially be a frightening journey into the world of being fully human.
I started my recovery in autumn. The season still feels as if it calls to me to go deeper, to question, to grow, to forgive, and to explore what is around me. Remember that as human growth frequently occurs inside before it becomes evident outside, so is it with nature. That soil that looks dead and the plants which are not blooming are getting through winter. They will make it to spring where their blooms will erupt in riotous colors. So too will y0u bloom in your time. Take time to nurture your growth and enjoy the journey.
Take care,
Mary
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