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I am now completing my fourth month of semi-retirement (working one day a week and a few hours here and there). This retirement is a whole new experience and I am finding it is very much a “process.” My mantra has become “You have time. You don’t need to hurry. Just breathe and be present.” Easier said than done.

For one such as myself who has raced through life with the motto “You can’t hit a moving target” slowing down is quite a challenge. I am noticing that I am actually seeing things: in my environment, in myself, and in others around me. I am more present to others because it takes time and awareness to observe.

I have been on a mission to “Sort out the kitschy krap” in my home. This means those corners where things get dropped and piled up, and left for months (possibly years?) at a time. Organization is called for and after the initial resistance, it actually feels good to have a cleared space where every thing has a place. There is much talk these days, with Marie Kondo’s book, about simplifying our lives. I am coming to experience the inner space that is created when the outer spaces are less cluttered. Being a visual person, I have always loved having lots of things to gaze upon in my environment. Pictures on walls, bookshelves, colorful and unique items to fill up my senses. Now, with less, I find I am going inside more for my sensory travels.

My desk overlooks our front porch where I can see a variety of birds coming to the feeder. I can watch the hummingbird down by the parking strip flitting around the blooming flowers. Life is alive and I can feel it drawing me into more awareness of the amazing miracles that surround me every day.

In the last support group I facilitated, we talked about the importance of feeling grief when we lose that which is important to us, be it a pet, a person or a possibility. We discussed the importance of having our feelings and how when we shutdown to the pain (as we have done so often with illicit drugs and alcohol), we have also shutdown to the joy. Grief hurts. It makes us want to curl up in a ball and hide in our “safe” spaces. But when we anesthetize ourselves to our pain, we lose the colors, textures, and ability to feel the richness of our lives with our senses.

Grief needs support and love to heal. I hope you are or have created a safe space for yourself and a friend or two where you can walk through your pain. While pain never completely dissipates, it does change form. It grows into something that reminds us of how deeply we loved and were loved. It encourages us to get up and move forward, carrying the love we have in our hearts, carrying it forward on to new adventures.

May hope hold you through the chaos of change into the wonder of new beginnings.

Peace with you,
Mary

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