Hitting Walls

Do you ever feel like you are spinning your wheels? Not comfortable where you are but not sure where you are going or indeed, if you are going anywhere?

There is a temptation during these times to rush out of uncomfortable situations or to rush into new situations. I have learned, through trial and error, that neither of these is usually the healthiest choice. I have cultivated a steady voice inside that says “Just hang on. Wait. Let this uneasiness be.” Which works for awhile, then the impatient me takes charge and wants to DO something NOW!

Child development expert, Piaget, has a framework regarding children’s growth that I have found is true for not just children, but people at all stages of life. We can be in equilibrium. We can be in disequilibrium. Just before a child makes growth strides in an area (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual), they become highly dissatisfied with themselves and their life. Nothing feels quite right. They are outgrowing their “skin” and growing into a new “skin” and a period of discomfort precedes this growth leap.

I have experienced the same thing in my own life. I become grumpy, ungrateful, and annoyed with everyone and everything before a shift occurs. It is very uncomfortable while at the same time keeping me humble. It is hard to see yourself as a caring, grateful, evolving spiritual person when you feel like everything around you is a pair of jeans that won’t zip all the way up!

If you are relating to this, I encourage you to be patient with yourself. Adopt a Zen attitude of seeing your emotions run rampant while you hold steady to your center, waiting for those new steps forward to occur. It is easy to become impatient with ourselves when we aren’t who we know we can be, but this only keeps you bogged down in the discomfort.

My mantra during these times is, “I am a human being growing. Growing is messy and doesn’t always feel good. this will resolve. Change is a blessing I am honored to be part of.”

Bless you on your changes and your patience to walk through them,

Mary

 

2,395 thoughts on “Hitting Walls”

  1. I always feel like I’m spinning as you know. :-):-) this site is so awesome and wonderful. I love the pic, great choice. I have a lot of times that when I really start doing good for myself I not only get stuck but I feel like its about to crumble. Its like I’m never allowed to be happy for very long. It really sucks when ur like this because u get into a bad depression and that is when u pull away and ball up.

    1. Thank you for your comment. You raise important issues that confront those of us who are in recovery. Feeling bad about ourselves, whether it manifests in shame, self-sabotaging behaviors and/or the need to be unhappy is something many of us became “comfortable” with growing up. Perhaps we were scapegoated and became the “identified problem” in our family. These feelings can easily become our identity without us being aware of it.

      I am a strong advocate for mental health therapy for individuals in recovery. By developing a trusting relationship with a counselor, we can go back to the beginning: When did I start to see myself as flawed? Was it really my fault that my parents were divorced? Was there something about me that made my uncle abuse me when I was 5? As we ask these important questions, we find the truths of who we are embedded in the answers.

      It can be a long process to uncover the truth of our lives. It’s not as if our parents purposely set out to deceive us but they only had the truths available to them. In previous years, it wasn’t exactly encouraged for people to “dwell on their pasts” as people were encouraged to “the past is past, move forward.” Which would be great if it were possible. Too often, we continue to stumble over our past until we understand it, heal our pain, and can move through and beyond it.

      Are you stumbling over your past? Were you raised to feel guilty and ashamed of who you are? Have you been sabotaging your own ability to find joy in your life? If so, maybe it’s time you think about what you can do to put down that heavy load. There are many ways we punish ourselves for supposed wrongs we feel we have committed. Our heads may know the truth, but our hearts remain bound to the lies we believe to be true.

      As a recovery quote (apologies for not having the author) said, “The truth shall set you free. But first, it will make you miserable.” Suggesting two books that may help: “The Drama of the Gifted Child” by Alice Miller (and indeed, all AM books) and “After the Tears” by Lorie Dwinell and Jane Middleton-Moz.

      Wishing you the best on your recovery journey,
      Mary LL

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